Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s
Before I get into my latest TMIT I need to say a few things. First off if you are my mom or either of my sisters please don’t continue. I will not too graphic but I’m not quite sure I enjoy you reading about my first time. Okay the second thing is yes this story involves throwing up (sorta) but before you make that leap I’m not some sort of easy thrower upper (what?) It is a mere coincidence that two out of the three stories involve throwing up or almost throwing up. Now that we finished with that we can continue. So grab your glasses, let Marty in because we’re travelling back to when I was in High School!
Roads where we’re going we don’t need roads. Yeah second time I’ve used that Back to the Future reference! No wonder women can’t keep their hands off of me!
So my senior year of high school I was lucky enough to come down with chicken pox right before spring break. On a little side note my mom played the evil trick that many a mother does. When she began to suspect it she told me to take a hot shower (not one word about chicken pox) and when I got out there were about a gazillion red dots all over me! I freaked the fuck out she just laughed and said something like “Yeah chicken pox”. Anyways my spring break was ruined. All I could do was lay there all itchy playing Super Nintendo. To make matters worse I appeared to catch a bad cold too. Enter the college girlfriend. Who in retrospect all she really had going for her was her eagerness to give oral (I warned my family not read!) multiple times a day. Anyways we had done many a thing prior to this but not all the way. Why? Well to be honest see above sentence about her eagerness. So despite my poxiness (Yeah I like to make up words) she continually called to ask to visit me. I felt like crap though and had a pretty high fever. Eventually she convinced me that I should come over to her house and she’d make me some chicken soup. I relented and went over. On the way over I really and I mean really started to feel like crap. I was getting pretty dizzy by the time we were in her house. I went to lie down on the bed and she disappeared. I assumed to make me that chicken soup but later I found it was to shower and masturbate a little. As I began to fall asleep (the room was spinning pretty consistently at this point) I feel a pair of hands on my crotch. Now even though my friend down there was kind of the opinion of “bitch I’m too sick for this” he eventually came around to her side of the argument. Next thing I know it’s in her mouth and she is really going to town. She was enjoying herself, my pants buddy was enjoying himself but I felt like shit. Though there is no better way to feel better than a bj. Anyhoooo I was really in and out at this point and she took that as a cue to pull out a condom slide it and beg me to get on top of her. I tried to convince her it was a bad idea, but let’s be honest there was no point to turn back. So there was a compromise and I fell back and she got on top. After a while I didn’t mind the fact that my head was pounding and my stomach was really hurting, but she had to go and make me get on top. So I did and you know I’m doing the deed (somewhat well seeing as I was chicken poxed and feeling like I was gonna puke—and the whole first time thing too) So I’m all pump and grind and she’s moaning and telling me not to stop. So I’m making sure that I don’t finish when I really feel like I’m going to throw up. She just keeps scratching my back and sides and I’m all sweaty and trying not to open my mouth because I’m sure if I do I’ll throw up on her. Finally she screams and damn near scratches my nipple off and tells me to finish on her. Well so as to not too graphic we pulled mr happy out and pulled the condom off and I almost fell and may have got some on her hip but mostly it was on her floor. I can’t believe I’m actually putting this up because this is one dumb story. Oh and yeah she never made me any chicken soup.