Enter Produce Man

So this is late but I’ve been so damn sick and I don’t even get to be all cool and say it’s Swine flu. I have been thinking about wearing my pig nose around though and saying it is. Here it is very late but whatever. I got quite the reaction from people on the bus: 2 people actually took pictures of me. At work everyone seemed rather amused especially customers (who also took pictures). How many? 8 different pictures taken (including 3 coworkers). The store managers laughed and laughed (and I’m horrified they think it meant that I’d fallen in love with the new position). If that is the case and you are reading this: Dont be a dumb shit I hate it, the store and you! Whew got that out of the way. Finally the unveiling of Produce Man!

The produce is real by the way. The costume consists of green beans, radishes, mustard greens and bananas.

His theme song:

Yo Produce!
He’ll fight for freedom where ever there’s trouble.
Produce Man is there.

It’s Produce Man against Cobra the enemy, a totally different enemy than from that cartoon.
Fighting to save the day.
He never gives up.
He’s always there,
Fighting for freedom over land and air

Produce Man- A real American hero
Produce Man is there

Produce Man is the codename for American’s daring, barely trained
super hero.
His purpose, to defend human freedom against Cobra-
remember a different ruthless, terrorist organization determined to rule the world.

He never gives up.
He’ll stay til the fight’s won.
Produce Man will dare.

Produce Man- A real American hero

Not much is known about this mysterious and witty super hero, but there are certain stories that continue to pop up. This is the most likely. Near the end of his shift a lowly produce clerk was approached by a woman. She inquired about peaches and he nicely explained to her there were no more. She fell into hysterics and demanded he check in the back. This lowly clerk tried to tell her that they were no longer in season when suddenly the air grew cold. The lady began scratching at his face and chest. She grabbed 2 bottles of veggie clean that were nearby and began spraying him mercilessly. He was left in a pool of veggie clean and his own blood. Slowly and shockingly he began to heal, but to his horror vegetables of all kinds were flying to and clinging to him. To this day not much is known about the powers he gained that frightful night but they’re probably cool, or at least veggie related. If your ever in trouble and near the produce section he’ll probably help.



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