Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Full disclosure this is not a personal story. That’s right I stole it. I’ll pause while you gasp and shake your head disapprovingly. Some gasping/shaking your head disapprovingly viewing: Not so much for the faint hearted. I mean nobodies leg should ever do that!
Okay back to our regularly scheduled program. I decided to go with this story because it is pretty funny. I’ve justified using this persons story without asking them with the fact that A.) They told this to a group of their horrified coworkers and B.) There will be no way someone will get it who it is unless they’ve heard the story.So this guy who is we’ll say in his forties decides to regal us of a story of what he thought was going to be his greatest feat ever. There will be quotes but only some of them will be real.
“So I’m like 26 right and I got this broad that you know she’s cute and all. I mean we bang and all that but she’s really just on the side kind of thing. Her HAMS
(yeah he called her boobs hams!)
are out to here. I mean giant. So one day we’re banging—well just fooling around at first. Playing with her hams
and all getting it all ready and shit. The problem is my dick it just won’t really get all the way hard. I’m freaking out down there and shit but won’t let her at it. So I keep at her hams and I’m rubbing her good down there, and when she tries to get in my pants I do something drastic. I head down south on her you know? I go to town on her down there—she really freaking gets happy cause I would never do it for her before
(what a caring lover)
but I had to. So after minutes of that she says fuck my ass. Well that wakes me up and of course I do. So I bang her right and then I cum way too fast and all her back, but she didn’t care. We kind of rest and it’s still up so we get back at it. I’m on top of her now and slamming away. Harder than ever. I mean she’s screaming and I’m sweating. I just can’t cum, so I keep slamming away and then its building in me you know? So I pound away. I don’t even see her anymore I’m just pounding. She feels more cushiony (I think he used cushiony it may have been something else but pretty sure it was cushiony) than ever. Anyway as I’m thinking this is the greatest fuck I’ll ever give she says Are you still in? I blink still thrusting and look down. I’m fucking her bed, that’s when I came on her cat. That little shit always tried to stay on the bed when we fucked.
This disturbed me on so many levels it’s not even funny. The way he ended the story (as it is here) really made it sound like he had been accidentally fucking her cat, but he assured us that was not the case. Apparently it went something like this: