Creep my boss out #3/I won’t be bitter bobby anymore

I’ll start with the how I made my boss feel awkward moment. It has been a while since I’ve been able to do this (because I’d avoid contact with all of them). Anyways as I was in the Produce backroom (I need to come up with a fun name like Veggie Cave or something) our Store Manager came in with a pumpkin. Apparently he wanted me to carry it out to the front where it belonged (even though he was going that way). So as I did he came along (Why?). This happened :

SM: It was in seafood. It can’t be there.
Me: Well maybe we could put some fins on it. (in my head)Damn why did I open up to friendly banter!
SM (Smiling): When you look at this pumpkin what do you see? Ohhhh I bet it’s something good.
ME: Uhm a pumpkin?
SM (confused): OH. Nothing creative? Like I bet like a hatchet coming out of it’s face?
ME: Nope just a pumpkin.
SM: Oh.
(Silence and then he walks off)

Now it isn’t the typical weird him out but I’ll take it, and it was fun. Yesterday at work I realized something. It came out of a (what I thought) was a harmless conversation. I was back in the cooler (before the awkward manager moment) and I was explaining to Marcia the back story of Produce Man. What is it you ask?

One day near the end of shift he helped a customer. She wanted to know if there more pears, but unfortunately there were none. When he told her this sad news she snapped. There were several bottles of veggie wash nearby and she proceeded to spray him with it repeatedly. He being a nice fellow stood there and took it, letting the veggie wash to seep into his eyes and pores. Later that evening he began to notice a change. He vowed to use his newfound powers (to this day unknown) for good.

Wow for the first time something sounds much better when I just winged it than when I wrote it. I’ll work on that. Anyhoo after that I told her how I came up with a back story for my move to Produce. I grow tired of telling people (who for some reason are still asking) the real reason. It goes as follows:

One night I stumbled upon a DVD of Veggie Tales and watched it. I was so taken aback by it that I immediately went to my Store Manager and begged to be switched to the Produce Department.

Now I thought this was mildly amusing but Marcia slapped me. It sort of was like this:

Except I’m not a chick and it was nothing like that at all. It was more of a metaphorical slap. What actually happened was as I left the backroom she said “wow, you really are bitter about what happened.” To quote Smee I had an apostrophe…it was like lightning struck me brain. Yeah vague Hook reference! I was floored. I sort of mumbled before leaving and then after filling the apples (I know and now I’m writing too!) My store manager tried to convince me putting up apples was creative almost like writing so I’d enjoy it. I returned to the conversation.

Me: Do you mean I sound bitter now, in my blog (she had just started reading) or both.
Her: Oh…both…but mostly there.

Now I knew that especially in the first few posts I was angry and bitter. I liked it that way. It was true emotion. That was fine I should have been bitter, but I was faced with the fact that I still come off that way. At work I was the comic relief. I was the one who didn’t care about what happened or what people thought. I shrugged things off and kept my humor. I did what people couldn’t or wouldn’t do and they enjoyed it. I don’t want to be the bitter guy. I needed confirmation on this so I of course went to L-Rizz.

Me: Damn I’ve become bitter bob.
L-Rizz: Yepppppp lol.
Me: laugh it up fuzz ball

(Yeah STAR WARS reference!) This is bad. Very bad. I can be cynical and I can be jaded but always in that cute jaded way. I’m not sure where this post is actually going or how many are actually still reading it. Is this thing on? Anyways I’ve decided to give up and just drink heavily to take a stand. I have learned though that making bold statements doesn’t work. For instance the 3 straight weeks I stated I’d finish The Devil Comes to Dinner by the end of the week, or the world tour of beers thing. So instead I’m going to make a short list of goals, and add some easy ones so as to feel accomplished and such.

1. Come through with finishing Produce Man costume
2. Write a rough draft comic of Pterodactyl Man for Lindsay and Kat to check out.
3. Buy a jug of white wine (see already accomplished this one!)
4. Finish The Devil comes to Dinner
5. Finish the manuscript draft for ‘Love is a Donkey’ (Book of poetry) Anyone wanna read it?
6. Attend some poetry readings
7. Meet and drink with some fellow bloggers
8. Attend a Lake Erie Monster’s game.
9. Read a book at least every 2 weeks.
10. See L-Rizz on a consistent basis.
11. Creep my Manager out.
12. Do something nice/romantic with/for my wife
13. Submit a play to at least 3 theatres.
14. Come up with a better list.


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