The Produce files

Yesterday was a weird one at work, and basically the first day of changes. Now if we learned anything from yesterday’s posts it was two things: I’m weird and I don’t deal with change all that well. I got to work about twenty minute earlier resigned to my fate eager to work. So after sitting around for twenty minutes hoping 3:15 never came and answering the same questions about “how I like Produce now” the actual fun in produce started.

The first thing that occurred was a lecture to “remember not to discuss company things with other employees on the floor or with customers. Make sure not portray negativity to/with the customer.” I responded I don’t talk to the customers negatively about this place…that’s what my blog is for. I don’t think they believed me. Oh well.

I went from there to meeting our new coworker in produce. See what happened was a bunch of people were switched between the two stores. So I got to meet Sammie. Of course since this is me we’re talking about went smoothly.


It went something like this. I entered the dark recesses otherwise known as the produce backroom. This of course is after the lecture and then numerous instructions from our fearless leader Steve. Brian and Sammie looked up at me from what they were doing and I said I think “yo” in a rather low voice. I did my traditional sort of half grimace smile thing. More to her than Brian, and that was my introduction. At least in my mind and I went on like there was no change. This essentially means I rambled (to nobody in particular) about how I wish I was back home already drinking whiskey or paint thinner and etc. I think this time I said I’d settle for rubbing alcohol. Then when I made eye contact with her again to make sure we were truly and properly introduced I used my patented grimace/smile thing again. I then headed out to display my wondrous banana and apple stacking skills. That of course is when I heard this:

Woman walking and talking on her cell:

“He kept joking hope you won’t give me swine flu”

(She throws around some apples)

“Till I said you want me to finish this with my hand instead then he shut up”

(Smells an apple for some reason and then walks off)

I went to the dark recesses and wrote it down and then began talking to Marcia about our Freejack tee’s when Sammie introduced herself to me. She seems nice enough. I however won’t have much contact with her seeing as I come in at 3 pm. The next weirdness didn’t happen for about 4 more hours. Here we go:

I was out on the floor (like the faithful Produce man I am) helping a customer.

Service Desk (over the intercom): Produce you have an incoming call coming back.

Me (in my head) I really couldn’t give a rats….(into phone) Produce this is jimi how may I help you? (Silence) Produce this is jimi how may I help you?

Old guy: Oh good it’s you.


Me: How can I help you tonite?

Old guy: I’m glad it’s you.


Me: Okay.

Old guy: I was trying to call you at home but somehow got you at work. That’s okay. It was programmed in the neighbor’s phone. I guess. That works. Yello?

Me: Hello?


Me: Sir?


I hang up.

It was a very strange phone call. It was sort of funny too. As I walked back out onto the floor I decided that I would use this general script to make prank phone calls. Perhaps I’ll start with other Produce departments and then move on to offices. Who knows?


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